The cold grass burns my skin, a million needles scratch my lungs as I gasp for breath. I can't stop now I have to get home.  The wind blows raping me of what little body heat I have left.  I curl my legs into my chest. I have to get up.
I hear his footstep gaining on me quickly. I close my eyes, please don't find me.
"What are you doing out here it's freezing, are you crazy? Get up."
"Leave me alone." I say so quietly, the sound barely reaches my own ears. He neals down and grabs my arm, I pull it back.
"Where are you going at this time of night? You don't know anybody."
"Home."
"That's 50 k away. are you nutts?"
"stop calling me crazy." The wet grass starts to soak through my pajama  pants. I should have taken a sweater at least.
"Please get up." he says, taking my hand. "I'll take you home in the morning I swear."
"I can't."

Nolans eyes glow in the night sky, as we lay together under the warmth of his blankets. He kisses my forhead holding my hand in his.
"Thank you for tonight. The tower."  I smile.
"I thought you'd like it." The smell of marijuana lingering on his breath. He pulls me close I rest my head in his chest. His finger tips caressing my arm. He kisses my neck. My shoulder. My body starts to quiver, this is wrong. I put my hand on his chest. please stop. He takes my hand in his and gently puts them behind my back. He kisses my lips. I feel his hands feel my leg, stopping at my bow of my pajama pants. I grab his hand he shakes it away.
"I Love you." The bow falls loose.
"Please don't." my vioce cracks as I fight back tears, this isn't his fault. He backs off and sits up. Running his fingers through his hair he lets out a fustrated sigh. "I"m sorry, It's not your f-"
"I'm twenty, this is just strange for me, Jesse." he interups. "I cant get with in a foot of you with out you freaking out. I know it's not your fault, but we've been together for a month and until tonight we haven't even so much as kissed, Fuck if I hold your hand to long you take it back. Until you I hadn't had to wait longer than a week to fuck a chick." I sit up too. Pulling the blankets up to my chin. I don't really know anything about this man sitting next to me "I don't know what happened to you or what's going on in that head of yours but sometimes it scares me." I wiped a tear away. "I guess that's kinda of why I love you too. You don't talk much but when you do I can tell you put alot of thaught behind it. When we met I knew right there that I wanted to know you. Your nothing like I expexted."

"Your not what I expected"
"Is that good or bad." I ask running my fingers through his long blond hair. Forever ago. These memories haunt me, taunting my restless mind with a time of joy I'll never recover.


The wind pick up spraying a light mist against my skin.
"I have to go home."
"Your coming home with me even if I have to carry you."
"No." I say flatly. He sits and puts one hand on my shoulder.
"I'm sorry about earlier. Everything in this world happens for a reason."
"No they don't" He pretends not to hear me.
"I know you were sent to me, so I that I could see it was possible to fall in love agian. But there has to be a perpose that I was sent to you. Like why were you sent here. To this field, tonight?" he picks me up so that my head rest ony his chest. "I told you about Chealsey right?"
"Yeah."
"She ment alot to me, I thought about dating her and even seen her the night before she took those pills. That was three years ago, she lived right there." He points to the house infront of us. "And I know Milo ment alot to you too. So don't you think maybe. I am here to help you. What we have is real. I don't care if we break up, your already my best friend, and I'm yours. Please come home." I nod but don't move. He picks me up.

"Your life path number is six, so your a good mother naterally. you also have a five so you have an addictive personality, for example. I think that's your third cup of coffee since I sat down, what fifteen minutes ago..."

"Wow your poetry is amazing."
"Thanks, But I think I could do better." He smiles.

A sudden crash wakes me up. The bed is empty, smoke billows out from the closet, Nolan sits on the floor one hand still onthe door knob.
"Ooops." he makes an innocent face, than bursts into a fit of laughter. I want to be mad but I can't and laugh with him.

My arms are wrapped tightly around his neck. I breath him in, Pot, car oil, and axe body spray.
"Please don't scare me like this ever agian."